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Trapped between the logic and dreams really turns my head to logging-off for a while, this condition repeats for past 4 consecutive days… my heart tells theres a blank space lie down somewhere beneath those feeling… turns my heart became fragile and discontent… how I can locate my previous position if still this ‘room’ out-lighten… if I still immobilize my position, is that an exact action i take? Bluerkhhhhssss…

Utilizing a couple of hours playing futsal this week still cannot make me stop thinking about all those thing… in spite of that I still can laugh seeing my fren and I playing futsal together… theres a long time we all didn’t hang out like this my frenn…. Joe jgn jugak telampau ya main pakai jeans.. tau la black metal… hah! Ni kenapa main kaki ayam ni..igt liga kampung … bak’kaa… after a long laugh, I end it lie down after mid nite shower but still cannot sleep before thinking one or two hours… so at the day, terpaksala tidur dekat conference.. ampeh…mujur tak kena nampak dgn manager.. kih kih kih.. punyaa penattt…

Maybe I can made a conclusion that for this week theres a two kind of personalities in me… ones and the most keep roled by me is the hypocrite me… and the real me is somewhere lost between the logic and dreams… hahah! What!! everybody looks like want to hate me now ehh! For sure I also don’t want all of those… sorry sahabat for not becoming me for this past few weeks… penat jugak hidup ni rupanya… lamanya tak lepaskan tekanan jam-in ni… USup dah dpt ka tab haruka kanata… jom la.. gian ni wehh…lama sudah tak dehaydrate kan badan sampai mcm nak pengsan.. last time I completely dehydrate is when i ijal zack and izuan(artikel dia mmg best) went to dewa concert kan.. perasaan mcm mau pitam itu mmg best gilak…

So tomorrow is Monday eh! Theres no difference between this morning and tomorrow for the situation lah… but for me theres a lot of differences.. tomorrow I must wake up early compare this morning I can still pengsan till 10.. but still need to solat subuh tau.. tu pun mak yg kejut… harap aku yg sekarang ni, mmg pengsan terus… but I hope tomorrow can be more than last Monday… ‘more’ in words I cannot describe what is it, but I still pray for tomorrow my life will become ‘more’ than this…. Amin Ya-Rabbal Alamin…

aku dah tgk sedikit klip ‘ungu-violet’.. tah kenapa perasaan aku kuat yg filem ni tiru vc(korea) kiss – because im a girl, tapi aku harap tidak lah…biarlah dia dgn originaliti dia… lagu ‘menanti sebuah jawaban’ mmg grand… makasih padi, harap lagunya bagus2 compare than save my soul yah…

“sepenuhnya aku ingin memelukmu…

mendekap penuh harapan untuk mencintaimu…”

i thought everything was ok after those space given… but yesterday that clouds hovers on me again… lots of thing to measure within this short period… God plssss do help me… 

still the matter is time…

What would you feel if everything around you seems like betraying you..softly, gently and quietly without your consent or from other third parties… it swallow your smiles slowly and turn it into sadness for days or weeks..

And what would you think if all those things was the most important thing in your life actually a dream which have a high percentage to push you being welcomed in the dark-side… for this past 5 months many unpleasant ‘event’ fall on me… it was karma for sure, after committing to many sins.. maybe i should realize everything happen was fated.. the matter is me.. to be or not to be… maybe after this i know which path to choose… and to receive forgiveness from people i’ve done wrong seems very far… I should do something to forgive myself and make it feel comfort in receiving… how i can receive if i didn’t forgive myself… (hope this rite…)

So its Wednesday again… sitting here in com.lab really bored me when other people in office pretending like they were busy la konon (kaki kipas)…no update blogs since last week i went outstation in lahad datu again.. 1^st time to conduct an audit as a team leader was very tough for indolent person like me… to handle the job and supervise at same time was not kind of thing i like to do… i like my inferior side in me…im no humble one ,i just comfort to be me… so that’s it…

i know my best-fren ijal mad at me when i fail to come to kk last week.. again i fail to keep my promise and neglecting the trust they give.. and i know raman and rudi had the same thought wif ijal… sorry preen its all out of plan.. and sorry if i ruined it all… 

: currently layan ‘Loop&Loop’ – Asian Kung-fu Generation dengan Tulus - radja…… mcm nak hantuk pala di meja jak…yihhaaaa…