roman picisan

i must admit dat im kindda stuck with my ‘busy-ness of being boring’ days last week..and i could guess its not going to change this whole upcomin week…

theres no promising smile day for me recently…im just a victim of profesionalism,ethics and regulations…that i intend plus being pushed to walk with everyday..since its look like the hypocritism is still in me..but this look ok though, since i must work out with the flow…

my arguing singaporean buddy says…’ the past does affect the future’ chaitt!!..everybody already know la..but still people seems like doesnt really bother that…they care only towards present…aii..ya loo..who really wants to care about history right..but still history tought us…it depends whether you want to consult ure self with it or not..ya ya.. realistic,thats the word…

sudahlah..im tired arguing with u, u have ure own tought…let me with mine…as long as i happy with it…

*i wish i really had my own wings…for me to fly to the other side of world

The scar from the old injury still remain and could be seen beneath the surface of my heart…hideously those scar creates pain eventhough the harm was 5 years old.. its still hurting somewhere…

5 years ago…

The honesty that kills me gave thousand time pain compared if I being betrayed .. I will have reason to hate and resent for being betrayed and get assured I can forget it all… but the reality it was not… and that’s why the pain I feel .. unbearable by that time…after that empathy and hypocrite became my true company…

Until one day…

People do telling lies, whether it was big or not..and for me; person who bounded with hypocrite; lies that I gave her …become the spiritual medicine that cured and avoid me from creating more lies… im so pitiful for creating lots of lies for 5 years…more worse; I lied to myself…

She amaze me when she turns lies to honesty, only by courage that she shown me…something a man like me supposed to have but im not…

I start a new step, step that totally different from any previous step I taken before….is to love someone to the fullest, with sincere heart and because of Allah… also no lies…

And that first step opened a new beginning and journey which I also don’t know what await us in the end…but im tired of regret and being afraid..as long I know the reason I walk on that path…I should be thankful to God…

I should be happy by now…but I wouldn’t, I don’t want to get caught by careless again…not anymore…I prefer to live in this painful affection..the only pain that can make me awake along time… then I had decided to wait her until time kills my youth…until my heart stop, and I became mute and cold…

Then let my soul continue my bide…

Because I know its worth…

terjadi lebih kurang 7 tahun yg lepas.

lokasi: Taman Rekreasi PPN, SMTT.   Waktu : Antara zuhur dan asar

pemegang peran : 3 org [ aku sebagai tukang sebok, seorang sahabat sebagai pemeran utama dan kekasihnya]*aku ubah sikit dialognya ikut citarasa dan gaya terkini…

sahabat : kenapa jugak..susah betul ka kau mau percayakan aku??

kekasih sahabat : ya..kau mmg tak pernah serius…sering aku saja yg terluka..kau lebih pentingkan kawan dari aku kan (sambil menjeling pada aku..hampeh)..lagi pun aku tahu kau ada affair dgn si *toot* budak kos *toot* tu kan…

sahabat : mana ada…kami fren saja bah…jadi kau jeles la ni kan..mana ada kawan saja laa..

kekasih sahabat : sudah lah..kau mmg begitu, aku sudah lihat masa **kos prep d dewan semalam…jgn kau mau berdalih lagi..

sahabat : mana ada la..berapa kali aku mau ckp…kami diskas soalan ja bah tu..lagipun mestila mesra2 barulah namanya freennn…

kekasih sahabat : tapi kau tak pernah pun mesra mcm tu dgn aku…

sahabat : errr itu….ermmm adehh..itu…

kekasih sahabat : sudah lah..kau mmg begitu…kau mmg sukakan dia kan..sekarang kau mesti pilih aku atau dia…

sahabat : isk aku…mana aku tau…kau ni kan…

kekasih sahabat : ahh sudah…jgn mau berdalih lagi…sekarang siapa kau utamakan..aku atau dia…

sahabat : aku errr aku..aku utamakan…aku utamakan keselamatan….wakakakak

: cinta tak seharusnya ada paksaan atau kongkongan…biarlah cinta mengalir dgn arus nya sendiri..jgn ditongkah kerana ia akan melimpah ke tepi..jgn d kayuh kerana ia akan deras ke muara..senang cerita..kalau dia dah tak suka..apa nak buat…wallahualam..

**kos prep = diadakan d dewan SMTT setiap malam rabu…jam 8 ke 10 terbuka kepada semua spm candidates 4 dat year…semua kos dicampurkan utk study in big group..aspura+aspuri+non-hostel

ive been injured since the last war…feel so horrible I could scream my lungs out until I go mute…

my night was tons of fun. kinda….tryin to avoid hypocritsm…  err not really(that kueh teow kerang was nice apa!!)… but more exciting than usual… maybe ive bein accompanied by my bros,we do some in-car-kara-ok session in way back to damansara kan tadi, best la kita…expected it should be *daymnnn nite coz of dat feeling..but in the end it should be ok suda..coz actually ive been comforted by che’Agun..huhuhhu..ive made my promise then…errr…may i smile now..

*aku mesti beli buku besok..dan tiada sapa bisa menghalang…