roman picisan

ive checked the fare between nov-dec, caught few prices which attract me..but i still need an approval from my Financial Controller ;p.. and the possibilites to get approved might low but i will try, whatever the result is..i admit..i have nothing to lose then

i miss my buddy a lot..of coz ijal and zacky, i donno what kind of life they possessed rite now…but i know, semuanya baik-baik saja.. i guess they both were buzy rite now… for raman n rudi, kamu juga baik2 d sana kan prenn..

level of boringness were very high in here opis..its unbearable till i mcm nak minum air sirap limau ja heheh..acah ja tu..

supposed to be like this, a msg on behalf of someone : salam aidilfitri ini saya tujukan kepada suami tersayang d tawau, anak2 tercinta d rumah..mummy dan daddy, adik beradik, mama dan bapak mertua..adik beradik ipar..maaflah tahun ni dak balik lagi..beraya d perantauan lagi, salam sayang dan drindu selalu..

dalam kelaparan puasa, keletihan kerja..aku nak imbas balik la kenangan manis aku masa muda2 dulu, masa tu aku ada byk sahabat di sekeliling aku, sahabat2 aku pun best sebab semua sekepala dgn aku…SMKJA PMR batch’96, sekolah yg melahirkan byk jenis manusia aku lihat sekarang.. dari setinggi tinggi profesion hinggalah pembunuh, sekolah ini hanya terkenal dgn gangsterism dan ragbinya saja tak lebih dari itu, kalau nak d bandingkan dgn sekolah lainnya, zaman kemuncak adalah 2 tahun terakhir masa form 2 dan 3, aku,roy,mansah,wan paku,wan taman,suhardi,diman,azman,arwah samsudin,roleff,aspar dll membentuk kesatuan yang paling best hinggakan kelas kami d cemburui oleh byk pihak, kelas yg terkenal dgn akademik,lawak dan kemafiaannya, jahil sgt masa tu..curi mangga apek,mandi sungai,ponteng solat jumaat,bergaduh,mengacau aweks kelas lain,main bola,jaming dll..tapi kami tetap jadi kelas contoh, mungkin sebab gabungan pasangan terbijak sekolah ada d kelas kami..Roy dan hasnitah, while the rest boleh tahan dgn pencapaian kami.. kalau nak d ceritakan kebodohan kami mmg byk, kami suka camping+picnic d mana mana kami rasa best..tidur d jambatan,bbq dgn cikgu kelas..asal ada spotchek mesti ada yg kena..aku dgn suhardi mesti kenala kalau pasal rambut panjang, mansah dgn walkman,roy dgn majalah ujang,wan dgn seluar bell-bottom adeh lawak betul la masa tu…byk kali kena tangkap dan kena denda tapi kebal juga..pernah suhardi kibar spender rudi dekat tiang bendera sekolah, mmg kena abis dia masa tu..aku plak kalau bab hukuman cabut rumput semalu mmg hebat takde sapa bleh lawan, PS orang buat corak batik kami buat corak tulang sama tengkorak adeh..mansah lagi best, buat mark GnR..masa kelas memasak (ERT) org masak telur..kami masak megi dgn telur, masa tu top slam,exist,umbrella, mcm mcm nama pelik..siti nurhaliza baru nak terpacak…tapi kami kira flexible juga la sebab minat KRU (roy punya pengaruh la ni) tapi kami tetap minat UG dan indie masa tu..mcm OAG,applegreen,saturnine,subculture,the pilgrims mcm mcm la best masa tu..rock kapak pun kami layan..wings jgn cerita la, tapi mansah mmg obses dgn rock…Gnr,metallica,slash snakepit,iron maiden..semua dia tau kalau pasal rock, rock kapak punya org..masa tu wave alternatif start masuk 3rd eye blind,hootie n blowfish,alanis..lepas kurt koben mati masa aku form 2..grunge pun mengganas jugak, zaman yg penuh dgn muzik bagi aku..dangdut pun kami layan..amelina kan top masa tu, tu suhardi punya pukulan, kaki dangdut punya org tapi drummer label UG..aii pelik pelik.. masa tu selalu p rumah kawan kawan yg lain..mcm rumah diman,roy,mansah..konon study,padahal main game,tgk konser rock atau buat bodoh. top rambut less tepi..ala botak tepi tu, seluar besar bawah haha..siap ada button lagi, kalau nak di igt mmg byk la..cikgu pun kamcing dgn kami, biasa lepak rumah cikgu baca komik..masak2..main gitar, cikgu max,cikgu kong,cikgu arbin dan cikgu beddu paling best, sekepala tapi dlm kelas still kena rotan kalau bodoh, aku mmg tabik dgn cara diorg treat kami..paling gembira bila ada saja aktiviti kelas d buat…mcm camping kelas form 3, paling sedih masa arwah samsudin meninggal sakit jantung…sedih juga masa lepas pmr dan semua bawa haluan masing2..rindu dgn bau keringat kawan2 dekat kelas..rindu nak buli pompuan d kelas..rindu nak vandalism kan meja kerusi kelas..conteng dinding kelas, rindu nak kena rotan, aku rindu semuanya…zaman tu mmg best betul, walau sekarang masih byk kami still contact, tapi semua tak sama sudah..mansah dah jadi lecturer,roy jadi arkitek,wan paku jadi askar diraja,suhardi ikut tabligh,hasnitah dah 2 anak,roleff hilang mcm angin,rudi jadi sekuriti,aspar jadi penjenayah cyber,asmidar dah jadi doktor,sapariah cikgu,wan taman jadi kerani.. tapi aku still rindu diorng semua..harap2 semua dpt jumpa balik

.this morning i received 5 sets of questionaire regarding my current client, send by auditors who audit the holding co. (obviously not us..what a pity for losing such big holding client..apa nak jadi!! entah la ), and i hate to fill it up…it just adding q list in my working hrs…sudahla keja2 lain belum adanya siap…and now i decide..

today i just wanna rest,ignore and put all the messy thing aside. hence, i do all my job without much enthusiasm, quarter-half hearted actually hehe, so sitting here while my other collegues enjoying their lunch, i prefer to rewind my memories 3 months back… hehe and i decide not to write whats happen..enough if im saying, i really comforting myself now…

p/s: aiii..sapala yg suka makan sundae cone + specky + jaket pink + suke g TESCO + bad hair day(everyday) + comel ni…

when i was a kid, im not the pleasant cutey like everybody expect me to be, im the worst…currently me, suppose nothing have change much, so i think im not an option for anybody, since im still not in the position of having my true-self, so it would be delay for anyone who expect something from me.

heedlessly, avoiding peoples advice were very frustrating, but thankx a lot for the concern..i try my best after this.

I am in the process of making myself used to the environment here opis..coz i felt weaker stay along with aircond coldness..it frozen my brain, my tought and all of me…with 3 pending jobs, console a/c which i didnt admit to finish, deferred tax that i still work out with ( old template style..very annoying ), back-log Co. which almost 5 years unaudit…mix them all makes me really sick, kenapa la aku dak jadi Perdana Menteri..iskk sorry for mention my job…then i guess it take over my concentration subsequently, and again..im losing my words…&^&$#&%%$#^%#^#!!!blank $%^^*%$%^%$##!! lost…

Since I’m not in the position of having well written English-yeah I’m small,curly haired,brownie,’comot’,low class hero-of-the-day wannabe.

I keep asking my self whether people who achieved great life were borned with that fate, were everything+anything were unfair…how we measure the fairnesszzz of it??
am i keep complaining? my life plot were not so happy-yo, and I realize i hate myself coz didnt accept it… am i pretending as I am a good mannered, well and soft spoken people with heartless mind… someone answer me?? am i trying too hard and push it to level which i shouldnt.. as if im wrongly trying…

not so pleased and welcomed in this ‘professional-world’ .. i know, is that mean i wrongly choose this path from beginning… then why i keep trying that hard…

actually..i was so tired…

sekali lagi ramadhan bulan termulia tiba… dgn persiapan yg selamba aku mengharungi ramadhan versi 2006 ini seperti tahun2 sebelumnya… kadang terasa lemah dan kadang terasa selamba ja mengharungi lapar… berdasarkan hipotesis aku dari pengalaman aku sendiri dgn pemerhatian aku.. puasa ni taklah sesusah mana pun, initially it depends on someones mentallity.. kalau dia igt lapar, mmg la lapar tapi aku suka perasaan lapar, sebabnya aku tau aku tgh puasa..dan aku rasa seronok puasa, kenapa aku seronok puasa..itu aku dak dpt jawab, mungkin sudah fitrahnya seorang muslim mcm tu, tahun ini agak mencabar utk tali perut aku.. sebabnya aircond opis yang dipertingkatkan kuasa kudanya betul-betul membuat cacing2 manja di perutku ingin berpindah mencari perut lain, satu prob lagi d opis ni, yang aku sorang ja spesis lelaki muslim dengan amoi2 opis aku yang suka pakaian pesen tak cukup kain, cukup membuat mataku berair dan kemerahan… jadi aku lebih suka duduk d meja tgk2 komputer yang tak seberapa canggih ni, ya la!! aku mau notebook yg lagi light dari ni, pastu dgn variable card reader tambah dvd-r byk lagi la aku mau…tapi aku tau itu hanya nafsu lagipun bukan punya aku.. opis punya…jadi ni ja la teman aku sepanjang bulan mulia ni, ada juga try STC ngan teman2 dr branch jakarta tapi diorng pun tak kuasa nak berchat…best juga bulan ramadhan while other balik lambat..aku dgn eksennya kemas meja jam 4, belum tambah considerable manager ku yg baik dan hensem, tak kasi aku keja keja susah..aku ada juga ckp dgn dia, kalau byk guna otak lagi lapar compare byk guna tenaga..aku tak tahu kalau teori aku tu bengong tapi dia mengiyakan apa aku cakap..dan puasa sudah masuk ke pertengahan, ada byk lagi yang perlu di lalui..ada byk juga aku nak cakap lagi tapi tak apa lain kali masih ada… semua ini hanya sekadar omong kosong dari seorang insan yang lapar di opis…

I guess it was a long gap, and all the time passes just like a nap.

Felt comfort to keep in mute mode surely make my surroundings more enchanting..

But I should do some talking… otherwise the enchanting side could twist to the other.

soooo many things happen this one year back..but only few I could recall, inch by inch..I turn to fade day by day.

Things that occurred with minimum space to shout .. I think its unfair, I guess Im still out of words.

Chance that given with short of time to-gether .. I guess its unfortunate, I think I miss her a lot…

‘ petang itu aku sunyi sekali…jadi aku rakamkan kesunyianku pada langit… moga dia juga mengerti ‘

ADA BAND - Manusia Bodoh

Dahulu terasa indah
Tak ingin lupakan
Bermesraan selalu jadi Satu kenangan manis

Tiada yang salah
Hanya aku manusia bodoh
Yang biarkan semua ini permainkanku
Berulang ulang ulang kali

Mencoba bertahan sekuat hati
Layaknya karang yang dihempas sang ombak
Jalani hidup dalam buai belaka
Serahkan cinta tulus di dalam takdir

Tapi sampai kapankah kuharus
Menanggungnya kutukan cinta ini
Bersemayam dalam kalbu

Tak ayal tingkah lakumu
Buatku putus asa
Kadang akal sehat ini
Belum cukup membendungnya

Hanya kepedihan
Yang selalu datang menertawakanku
Engkau belahan jiwa
Tega menari indah di atas tangisanku

Semua kisah pasti ada akhir
Yang harus dilalui
Begitu juga akhir kisah ini
Yakinku indah - Manusia Bodoh

suddenly i stop pretending to walk in that path… then stop to react weirdly…until i realize that im not dreaming…u really stand in front of me…

i really miss you a lot…

i must admit dat im kindda stuck with my ‘busy-ness of being boring’ days last week..and i could guess its not going to change this whole upcomin week…

theres no promising smile day for me recently…im just a victim of profesionalism,ethics and regulations…that i intend plus being pushed to walk with everyday..since its look like the hypocritism is still in me..but this look ok though, since i must work out with the flow…

my arguing singaporean buddy says…’ the past does affect the future’ chaitt!!..everybody already know la..but still people seems like doesnt really bother that…they care only towards present…aii..ya loo..who really wants to care about history right..but still history tought us…it depends whether you want to consult ure self with it or not..ya ya.. realistic,thats the word…

sudahlah..im tired arguing with u, u have ure own tought…let me with mine…as long as i happy with it…

*i wish i really had my own wings…for me to fly to the other side of world

The scar from the old injury still remain and could be seen beneath the surface of my heart…hideously those scar creates pain eventhough the harm was 5 years old.. its still hurting somewhere…

5 years ago…

The honesty that kills me gave thousand time pain compared if I being betrayed .. I will have reason to hate and resent for being betrayed and get assured I can forget it all… but the reality it was not… and that’s why the pain I feel .. unbearable by that time…after that empathy and hypocrite became my true company…

Until one day…

People do telling lies, whether it was big or not..and for me; person who bounded with hypocrite; lies that I gave her …become the spiritual medicine that cured and avoid me from creating more lies… im so pitiful for creating lots of lies for 5 years…more worse; I lied to myself…

She amaze me when she turns lies to honesty, only by courage that she shown me…something a man like me supposed to have but im not…

I start a new step, step that totally different from any previous step I taken before….is to love someone to the fullest, with sincere heart and because of Allah… also no lies…

And that first step opened a new beginning and journey which I also don’t know what await us in the end…but im tired of regret and being afraid..as long I know the reason I walk on that path…I should be thankful to God…

I should be happy by now…but I wouldn’t, I don’t want to get caught by careless again…not anymore…I prefer to live in this painful affection..the only pain that can make me awake along time… then I had decided to wait her until time kills my youth…until my heart stop, and I became mute and cold…

Then let my soul continue my bide…

Because I know its worth…